Estate Sale Diary (Weekend Recap)

Good morning!!

Like I said earlier in the week, I'm back to check in with some reportage from the field. What field? The estate sale field, naturally. I realized the other day, talking to a friend, that while there are some crazy out-of-the-ordinary estate sales or Goodwill runs that stick out in my mind by sheer force of weirdness, I've been missing a great opportunity in not keeping some kind of a log of the selfsame. I want to get better about taking pictures and documenting the digging-- I yanked most of these from Estatesales.net, but I'll try to be a more diligent shutterbug in the future.

1) Knob Hill, Donelson:

One of my favorite sellers from Gallatin (you can see her shop on the square here) was running a sale in Donelson, and greeted me at the door. "Are you wearing your charm bracelet?" she called out. "YOU KNOW IT," I replied, both of us referring to the sterling silver charm bracelet Matthew had gone up to Sumner County to procure for me. Remind me to tell you more about that and my ensuing obsession with vintage charms in a later post. ;) As nervous as it makes me to run into people I know at the sales (because I have the inborn natural skittishness and self doubt of a feral cat), it kind of also make me happy to see my peeps. In we went.

This house was gor-GEOUS. Five bedrooms and a kitchen like something out of a Franco Zefferelli Shakespeare movie, with a big brick hearth outfitted with grill, cooktop, double oven, and who knows what else all in one gorgeous Tudor package. I was knocked back by visions of hanging garlic and copper bottom pans and whatever else Julia Child would have in her kitchen to make it yet more impressive, too much so to notice the in-wall stereo system (!!) that another estate sale attendee posted on a midcentury Facebook group to which I belong. If it were a snake, it would have bit me. My mom walked up to the house and went, "This is so-and-so so-and-so's house! I've been here!" And sure enough, it was a woman who had worked at the Red Cross with my ma at some point in her long career there. I'm not sure if the homeowner passed away or moved to retirement, but it's weird when that happens! The strangest incidence of that was when my dad and I accidentally went to my great-uncle James's house for an estate sale-- he was still walking around on God's green earth, thankfully, but was selling a friend's estate in a yard sale type set up. Me: Didn't you recognize the address?! Dad: I knew it was the same street, I didn't know it was the same HOUSE. You never know what you're going to come up with in service of searching for other people's household junk, haha.

Can you make out the cook top under the pans? Imagine it had a curved type alcove in which it was situated.

I really wanted this vanity because it reminded me of one Marlene Dietrich had in her house, but I couldn't think of anywhere to put it (and it was dead cheap, too! Dommage). It was in bad shape but in that cool, glamorously down at the heels type way. Look at that elephant! Better believe if that was there or I'd seen it somewhere I would have been mightily tempted.

I also almost bought this faux ostrich skin hat case, but the handle was busted and I wasn't sure how to fix it. Love you, miss you, train case:

I want to look up this house when it hits the market, but I'm sure with five bedrooms in a leafy part of Donelson, it's going to be 400k if it's a day. Keep dreaming, Lisa! Keep those dreams alive.

2) Bellshire:

Parker sales was having a blow out sale in Bellshire-- the people who lived there had owned a five and dime type store, I think they said, evidenced in part by the fact that there were two outbuildings full of vintage toys, the kind you would trade for tickets at the roller rink or arcade. I loved just seeing all these little bits and bobs but it was a little overwhelming in sheer volume, plus the added intrigue of trying to fight your way past resellers taking advantage of the half off day. They were out in FORCE this morning. 

Pan Am and TWA!

Even at half off, I was a little miffed at the dollar-to-four-dollar price tags on a lot of the stuff, though as I showed interest in things, the sales employees would often quote a price that was way lower than even half off-- you'd think I'd be pleased with that, but instead I was more like, "Then WHY is it marked xyz?" I think my #1 thing that the estate sale people can do besides choosing a house with bonkers-crazy-neat-stuff is to clearly display prices and clearly establish discounts-- if things were marked fairly in the first place, half should be plenty to liquidate the remaining items on a three day sale; if you've still got beaucoup de stuff on the third day, you messed up your prices. I may not be a professional estate sale runner, but Lord knows I know the buying side of the business, and it makes your die-hard shoppers like me ticked to not have consistency with pricing. End rant.

These change purses were INSANE. I have no idea why I didn't buy at least one

Besides the prices being a smidge high and all over the board, there was so much STUFF, and most of it not very good/interesting. Not even counting the outbuildings, in the house itself, it seemed every room had an enormous grouping of like items, as if someone had gone "oh, I collect little dolls like that, let's buy one EVERY time I see one." I guess these might have been part of the aforementioned business, but again, there was way too much of everything

That skinny dog was gone, but the pair of dog-with-mailbox pieces was there, and $25...even at $12.50, I thought that was a little high. Which means I guess I didn't want it very badly, haha!

I've omitted like another 10 pictures of grouped figurines, imagine this times 10.

The big deal at this sale was Jadeitegate 2015, which went down in a big way about five minutes after I got to the sale. Whooo, peeeeeeople, hold on to your hats.

The cause of the sturm und drang

I caught this set of Jadeite mixing bowls out of the corner of my eye immediately upon entering the house-- and again, this is maybe 8:40 on the last day of the sale, so the fever pitch of resellers snapping up items at a deal before they've even had a chance to be looked at by us civilians was pretty high. Since seeing Lauren from Apron Strings Vintage build an impressive collection of this type of glassware on her blog and Instagram, I always am on the lookout for a good piece of it at a good price (because I obviously need another collection like I need another hole in my head :p). But they're cute, right? That milky green is so unusual and I know it would look good against my black table top, so it's not a completely impossible/crazy dream. A middle aged woman with a short hair cut was turning the bowls over in her hands, looking for markings, discussing the bowls with her taller, black-t-shirt-tucked-into-jeans husband who stood to the side. Nothing makes someone want something more than knowing someone else wants something, so I monitored the situation for maybe a minute to see if she'd decide against them and set the bowls down, before finally deciding to keep looking in the next room on the off chance that she would be done looking at them/given up on them by the time I came back, or would have bought them one. Nothing was well served by me pretending to look at ashtrays in a stationary position catty corner from hers, so with a shrug of my shoulders, I kept moving.

I could overhear "Do you see 'Fire King' on any of them? I don't know, I just think maybe this one..." from on down the line and my heart sank a little. Then another woman in a work apron came on the scene and dropped the bomb on this lady: "I'm sorry, those are already sold."

Now, what do you do in this kind of situation? Me, I would have colored visibly with embarrassment and disappointment, surrendered the bowls, and been kind of heartsick the rest of the day about how I'd almost got Jadeite bowls at a fraction of the cost if someone hadn't beat me to the punch by the tiniest of margins. Nooooot this lady.

How pretty do these things look altogether?

With the strength of conviction of some self-styled martyr, she dug in her heels but hard. "What do you mean?" The worker started to stammer then something about how someone had already bought the mixing bowls and was just up at the counter paying. "How can they be sold when THEY'RE RIGHT HERE IN MY HAND? THEY'RE RIGHT HERE IN MY HAND!!" the buyer lady spat, loud enough that several fellow shoppers turned in her direction, prairie dog like, at the commotion. "Let me check for you, I mean, they might not have been sold, but I'm pretty sure that little girl who was here earlier bought them," the salesperson said, making fatal error #2. Fatal error #1, either mark the dishes or move them to the sold table, don't leave them in the field of play where someone who is waiting to chew someone else out for no reason might take offense at their presence. Fatal error #2, not standing your ground, thus planting hope in the already ticked off lady's mind as to the possibility that she might be going home with said dishes.

The saleslady returned with the person who had actually bought the dishes, who I couldn't see from where I was, but I could also hear. There was actual flapping of the receipt in the person-trying-to-buy-the-dishes's face by the person-who-had-bought-and-paid-for-said-dishes, which seemed a very adult and mature course of action to me, followed by the would be buyer again loudly exclaiming that she HAD NEVER heard of someone buying something and not taking it with them, how could she have bought the dishes when they're (again) RIGHT HERE IN HER HAND? Suffice to say the items were handed over without bloodshed, but a weird tension fell over the sale both during and after the verbal conflagration. I was like "Aaaaaand I'm ready to go."

What do you think? Shouldn't the lady who bought them have carried them with her or marked  them sold? Shouldn't the other lady have just gracefully admitted defeat? What would you have done?

Sorry, even glassware this pretty isn't worth getting in a bar fight over.

 Last insult to injury, I was on my way to the car when I saw this:

This conversation ensued:

Me to my dad: Oh, cool! Look they still have that old computer. I wonder if that's something I could get Matthew for his anniversary present. Go look how much it is.
Dad: Well...[looks at price tag, makes face]
Me: It's like $500, isn't it.
Dad: Close!
Me: [inspects price tag] FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS?
Dad: It's only half of that today, so that's $225!
Me: I am not paying two hundred dollars for that.
Dad: They were like three thousand dollars back in the day. I remember there was a tv commercial with Bill Bixby in it where he showed you all the things you could do with it...you could type....and I guess add stuff....
Me: [a "Nancy" comic strip caricature of Nancy in a bad mood]

FORGET THIS SALE. #booooooooooooo

Michael Taylor warehouse:

I mainly went to the Michael Taylor sale to see if they still had this:

They didn't. And this:

They did but it was $450 with 40% off. You do the math, I can't see through my tears here to do the necessary figuring.

This I was mightily tempted to get IN SPITE of its $40 after discount price tag. It's a 1930's/1940's circus wagon toy, with about the most charming illustrated lions you're likely to see any time soon:

Best part? When the wheels roll, they have some kind of thing rigged up to where it makes a sound like a calliope or a pretty set of chimes. DID I NOT SAY CHARMING?

Epilogue (and a Navy Suit):

We went to one last sale where I didn't take any pictures or save any pictures from the website-- BLVD estate sales has a commercial space right around the corner from MT, so I thought "Ah, why not." There wasn't much of interest, but as I was leaving, I almost knocked something off a wall where it was hanging (because I bear the grace and carriage of Dovima, obviously, in my day to day dealings), and when I picked it up, it ended up being the only thing I bought at all the sales! This WWII Naval Officer's uniform was $48 with 75% off, so I snapped it up, along with a picture of the group on their ship the USS Alaska, for $14 total. What am I going to do with it? WHO KNOWS, I wanted it. Here's a picture of the goods:

I need a haircut. Or some curlers. SOMETHING. Also note Marc Creates piece from post before last sulking against the wall, unhung. Shame!

Impressive, right?!

The pants and jacket are VERY skinny, but I like having the complete set, and for less than fifteen bucks!

I gotta get back to the grind, but do tell me what you got into this last weekend! Any great finds? Any near catfights? Any weird houses? I'd love to hear all about it. :)

Have a great Friday, and I'll talk to you next week!

Mrs. Mia Wallace (Pulp Fiction Makeup series from Urban Decay)

Good afternoon!

I'm feeling a little under the weather today-- haven't stopped sneezing since what seems like yesterday afternoon and don't seem to have much hope of stopping before night fall today! I took the day off work and have just recently ingested some antihistamines which will hopefully knock me out until such time as my nasal passages decide to cease and desist, so keep a  good thought for me that they do! However, I wanted to check in on you and show you this little blast from the past: here I am in 2004, in the apartment dorm I shared with my friends Ryan (pictured, as gogo dancer) and Torey (not pictured, but probably equally awesome in costume), in all my sophomore year of at UT glory. Because of my goggle eyes, above average height, and long nose, I used to get a lot of comparisons in college to Uma Thurman (believe me, I'll take it!), so the year after Kill Bill's I and II came out, I decided to embrace Tarantino's muse in one of my all time favorite movies, Pulp Fiction, for Halloween*. You can't see, but I'm wearing black cigarette pants and silver flats, the latter of which MW took off for her iconic dance with Vincent Vega:

Why this trip through time? To show you I don't think I ever even tried to smile in photos until at least 2007? To reminisce on how I had to hack the wig I'm wearing down to a shorter length with bangs, which I overshot by a tad? To highlight the assortment of weird things taped to our kitchen wall (including a TV guide cover of Will Ferrell that is cracking me up a little now just to see it?). No! To commemorate the good news that Urban Decay has just released a line of makeup products, twenty years after the release of the movie, that bear homage to what is arguably one of the best written movies of the nineties'. Folks, check it out! Pulp Fiction makeup!

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Yes, that is misquoted bible verse Ezekiel 25:17 on the back; yes, I used to be able to recite not just that passage, but the entire scene from the car ride to Brett's house to Brett and friends' demise in a cloud of "great vengeance and furious anger" as a party trick. In high school (have I told you this story before?), I hooked my dad's cassette deck and tuner up to the VHS player, and recorded two 90 minute cassettes of the audio of Pulp Fiction, and while I may have only physically seen the movie ten or fifteen times, I've listened to it something like 500 times. In my defense, it was before the internet! We had so much time on our hands back then, people. Also, how else was I going to internalize lines like "My name's Paul, and this is between y'all" or "Ha ha ha, m'f--ker, they're you're clothes", which still bring me joy to this day? I digress. Are you seeing the packaging? Wait til you check out the eyeshadow inside:

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Yep, each are also from the speech. Urban Decay even includes a tutorial on how to get the Wallace look from the movie (in case you haven't studied that scene from Jack Rabbit Slim's nearly as much as you should have):

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How do you think that stacks up to the real deal?

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Though the lipstick and lipliner looks a lot more red than what they went for in 1994, I'm still drawn like a moth to this red, red, RED lipstick. I only wonder if in real life it wouldn't be too dark for my complexion. The Revlon "Fire and Ice" that I favor has like no dark undertones to it, which makes it so wearable for me and my fair-ish coloring. Isn't it super late forties' looking to you though? I might have to treat myself to this $22 lipstick..Fire and Ice is like $5 a tube, so that's a heck of a splurge, but maybe it'll be worth it to live out my dreams!

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And last but not least, glitter eyeliner and rust red nailpolish. I'm less excited about these, because the eyeliner seems more Lou Reed's Transformer than Pulp Fiction, and I'm just not brave enough to do nail polish that isn't Revlon Red, but I still think they'd be neat on someone else. Is that someone else you?

When in doubt, What Would Lou Do?

Update: My friend Kelsey, who clued me in on this whole amazingness to begin with, has ordered us both some of the lipstick, so I'll have to let you know how it turns out when it gets here. Also, THANK YOU KELSEY!!!! How about you? Are you a huge Pulp Fiction or makeup fan? Which of these are you probably going to break down and buy? And what movie do you think would be a fun one to do a beauty-along with? I'm thinking of all the vintage color movies I would like to emulate, and am drafting a letter to Urban Decay in my head as it happens. This is only the beginning, haha!

PS, I now want to watch Pulp Fiction again. Did you know we almost used this as our first dance at my wedding? I finally decided you wouldn't be able to see my feet under my bell-shaped gown, and that Matthew's superior dance skills would shame my own, but it would have been neat to do anyway!

I have to go lay down my weary head, but have a fabulous Tuesday! Godwilling, I'll talk to you tomorrow! Til then.

* Just wanted to mention that on the way out of Andy Holt Apartments, the night this photo was taken, I was in an elevator with a Kill Bill Uma in the yellow track suit, a katana bearing O-ren Ishii, and another Mia Wallace, this one post-heroin-O.D. with a syringe sticking out of her chest. Isn't that wild? "Calling all Tarantino characters, please board the elevator at the same time". I still think mine was the most convincing, but I'm biased. :)

Holiday Specials Week: Day Three: Rupaul's Christmas Ball (1993)

Good morning!

Well, it's the big day! This post was delayed by presents-opening over at my folks' house with my sister and her husband, and me and MY husband...it's so weird all parties at Christmas morning being married! My coworker asked me before we left for the two-day holiday if I was excited about our first husband-and-wife holiday experience, and it's funny-- while I am happy to be a missus, it's not much different than our usual Christmas. Lots of hugs, lots of sweet, thoughtful gifts-- this is year five with us together, and I am excited about another fifty five on down the road! :)

Today's extra special Christmas content involves the third of our holiday specials on She Was a Bird, and possibly my favorite: 1993's Rupaul's Christmas Ball, produced for UK Channel 4. Watch along on Youtube via this link!

While I remember RuPaul's VH-1 television chat show from my youth, I have to admit that it wasn't until fairly recently, through the magic of Logo's RuPaul's Drag Race, that I came to understand the greatness that is RuPaul Charles. Introduced in the title cards of her Christmas special as "Supermodel of the World", in the past thirty years, Rupaul has built a branding empire as the fiercest 6'4'' drag performer standing. In a time when gay rights were still a back burner issue for a heteronormative America, Rupaul was bringing gay culture served straight up into our living rooms. While a lot of this looks completely normal to a 2013 audience, imagine how "other" seeing full fledged drag queens doing an act you wouldn't see outside of a gay bar on national television must have seemed in 1993 to a large majority of viewers. As a kid in the late nineties', I remember not quite understanding what was going on, seeing a glamorous, gorgeous, be-wigged Ru chatting with Olivia Newton John and Cher on her talk show...what's the big deal? Seeing it through the distance of twenty years, this kooky Christmas special seems not only entertaining, but brave! Chainsmoking, glue sniffing, drag queen elves on television? Why not!

This Christmas special is set up in a variety show type format with Laugh-In type sketches in between musical performances. Guests from the show include Boy George, La Toya Jackson, Elton John, Fred Schneider, Belinda Carlisle, Little Richard, En Vogue, and, if you'd believe it, Nirvana! It was so long ago that Kurt Cobain was still with us-- let that sink in for a second.

Ru shows up, all practically seven feet of her in heels and wig, in this thigh-high slit silver sequin gown and pink feather boa, hair done up like Neptune's triton, ready to get some Christmas on. Her opening monologue is sprinkled with RuPaul catchphrases like "You bettah WORK" and "Love yourself, because if you can't love yourself, howinthehellyougonnalovesomebodyelse, can I get an AMEN?" The Rosie Perez-like accent Ru takes on in between that lilting trademark laugh of hers is the only thing that dates the show to the early nineties'-- a lot of this persona is still intact (and still AWESOMELY statuesque and immaculately made up) as presented on Drag Race!

Here's Ru in full Suzanne Somers mode hawking her workout and weight loss programs, which, again, Drag Race fans will recognize as the "tic tac diet". "One tic tac for breakfast, one tic tac for lunch, and for dinner, a glass of water. No tic tac." I know anorexia isn't funny, but this sketch is, and spot on, too! I remember reading a celebrity fitness book by Victoria Principal in the midst of my Dallas mania which essentially suggested that you live off iceberg lettuce and grapefruit for four weeks if you wanted to reduce your waistline. Serious! Pammy, that is no way to take off the pounds.

Latoya Jackson makes an appearance as "RuPauline", RuPaul's "sister" from whom the successful drag queen apparently stole her entire act...this prompted me to look up a before and after photo of Latoya pre-cosmetic surgery...look at this before. Isn't that insane? Her face was perfectly fine before! Below, Ru gets to quote the famous "Why do you deliberately defy me?" line from Mommy Dearest amongst this nineties'-to-the-max trompe l'oeil stage set. Do you love it or do you LOVE it. Look how tiny Latoya looks compared to the Amazonian figure Ru cuts!

Ru as "Tiffany Alexander", cohost of a Home Shopping Network sketch where "Queen" Elizabeth is selling her crown jewels. One thing that I thought about while watching these little comedy pieces is that she would have been the ultimate contestant on Drag Race even from the beginning. Glamour, acting chops, poise, comedic timing, knowledge of the gay cultural canon...this girl has got it all! Total package. I love the idea of her on the show being like "Look, I'm not asking you to succeed at anything I myself wouldn't do. I just happen to be fiercely multi-talented."

Boy George drops by to do a reggae-fusion version of the Bread FM classic "Everything I Own"...why were these kinds of UB40-ish covers so popular in the early nineties'? I couldn't tell you. 

Nirvana's video message to RuPaul, complete with RuPaul cutout:

Drag Race watchers, remember the perfume challenge from last season? Here's Ru's entry, Whore. Something about how bald face that is makes me laugh every time I see it. I would usually be like "Oh, Ru, you're wrong for that," but something about this is so hilariously right:

Singing a club dance remix sounding nineties' song with VERY nineties', Nehru-jacket/John Lennon glasses Elton John:

The most glamorous American Gothic of them all:

And on, and on. The whole special is really a hoot-- I wanted to tell you more about it but I have GOT to get off the computer and back to the merrymaking! Watch it for yourself here!

Are you having a good Christmas? I'll have to tell you about all the presents and festivities this year next week, it deserves a post of its own! Are you a RuPaul fan? What did you think about the awesome nineties-ness of this special? Seen any blast-from-the-past Christmas  shows lately? Let's discuss!

A very happy holiday to you and yours! I'll talk to you tomorrow! Til then.

Elvis is Alive! (Weekly World News Elvis Sightings 1990-2000)

Good morning!

Confession time: I am a huge, late-to-the-party fan of Weekly World News. When I was a kid, standing in line at the grocery store with my grandma, I would sneak a peek at the insides of the gold standard of tabloids, but I don't think I understood at the time that in the pantheon of newsstand entertainment publications, Weekly World News is king. I confer regency status upon WWN in particular because there's not a single word of truth from the front cover to the back... and that is saying something! While other weekly rag sheets may have a true story about a sitcom star battling weight gain, or a movie actress who may or may not be seeing her director off set, WWN , in its almost thirty year run, spent fifty or so pages every week spouting utter nonsense. THE MOST. ENTERTAINING.  NONSENSE. OF THEM ALL. Telepathic vampire bats, divers attacked by mermaids, Bigfoot, two headed babies...this magazine had it all. I think my High Fidelity style list of dream jobs would probably include being a member of the WWN writing staff.

The exploding bra sub article here is intriguing.

One of the most exciting topics Weekly World News covered, again and again and again? Elvis sightings! Probably moments after news of the King's untimely death broke in 1977, a gossip columnist somewhere was clacking out a story about how he'd obviously faked his own demise and was living in some farflung corner of the globe in the kind of blissful obscurity he hadn't enjoyed since being a teenager in Memphis. If Elvis can't be in heaven, I hope he's in Modesto with a girlfriend half his age and all the down home cooking he can eat, is a sentiment I share as a rabid Presley fan. I scoured Google books's archive of WWN's backpages for a look at some of the  wishful thinking the editors put into where Elvis may be today.

Let's take a look!

This 1993 article has the King riding motorcycles (be careful, E!) and marrying a waitress in his (technical) home state of Mississippi. I personally like the inset of "He IS alive!" as a kind of "See! Told you so!" coda to each entry in the two page spread. "The Nashville accident is a chilling reminder that he is, after all, only human, and that one silly mistake could be the tragedy that snatches him from our lives forever," the first news blurb gently chides the reader...be grateful that he not only survived the "so-called fatal" heart attack in the seventies', but also this run in with a tree on his Harley! Wouldn't it be terrible if he really really were dead? Below, an oddly photo-shopped bridal pair are supposed to be Presley and his new wife, Karen Crane. At first, I was like, "Wait, no...was he all the way divorced from Priscilla when he allegedly died?" I mean, I remember he sang "Don't Cry, Daddy" and "Separate Ways" for her, but was all the legal paperwork inked by the time of the "death hoax"? Yep, Priscilla and Elvis has been legally divorced since 1974.  What's interesting to me in this story is a quoted source named William Stern who has "investigated over 2,000 Elvis sightings since 1977." Can you imagine marking off number 1,298 as "nope, still not Elvis..."?

 The United States Postal service issued a commemorative Elvis stamp in 1993, on what would have been EP's fifty-eighth birthday, spurring renewed interest in the thought of the big man still walking among us. This article purports that over a hundred thousand WWN readers demand THE REAL, 1993 ELVIS on the stamp!

Yeesh, people! I wouldn't want that stamp period. Who did the artwork on this?! He looks like a cross between that Jesus painting the woman "restored" and late career Nicolas Cage. Do you like the question mark on the death date there? That's because he's still alive, in case you hadn't noticed. HE'S ALIVE, BY GODFREY....(personally, I would have voted for the older Elvis, out of the three...I think he was actually possibly his hottest circa the Aloha from Hawaii concert recording).

Now, THIS would be welcome news:

No, not that a squirrel stole a $7,800 diamond necklace, but the idea of Elvis clones running around the United States-- well! That makes the possibility of me running into one like about five times greater (as the article states there are five additional Elvis clones).  I like them odds. From the article: "Apparently, they [the clones] were supposed to wait until the Colonel [Tom Parker, EP's manager] called for them, but he never did. He must have changed his mind," states the Elvis expert from a "Nashville study group devoted to the King". His manager's greatest publicity idea to date-- an army of Elvises! You could dispatch them to the four corners of the world, have an Elvis concert on every continent at once! Personally, I just want to see him in a gas station. Somewhere. Anywhere.

This article is a little mean spirited, as Lisa Marie did give birth to a son, Benjamin Storm Keough, in 1992. The assertion, "I'm gonna teach him how to sing just like me," is even creepier! Also, what is with EP's face in this photo! I understand he would be older in 1992 than when we last saw him in 1977, but jeepers creepers. Doesn't he look a little worse from wear than you would expect? "Nothing, and I do mean nothing, was going to keep Elvis Presley away from that baby," emphatically states a quoted source in the article. Reminds me of that line from "The Highwayman", one of my favorite poems out of the Childcraft poems treasury when I was a kid (how was this a children's poem, btw?), "Though hell should bar the way". Was Elvis ready to come out of hiding? We don't see him next in the pages of WWN until the year 2000 (the distant future).

EP, you are not doing a very good job of staying in hiding if you're having yourself wheeled out onto the lawn of Graceland.

Seeing as Elvis's Memphis home was opened to the public in 1982, this can't be a very comfortable set up for him to hide out. Thousands of visitors roll through that very driveway on a little tour bus that delivers them from the hospitality/gift shop area to the home and grounds. I love that he hasn't changed his trademark TCB glasses in twenty three years, too. The byline "I believe he's testing the waters before he tells us he's alive" just cracked me up again, looking at the article. "I'M ALIVE!" says Elvis. They should add a little dialogue bubble to his head there.

The photo was supposedly taken by a woman who "snuck back in" to Graceland after it was closed for the day. Because I obviously, as the King of Rock n Roll in-hiding, would want to live in a working tourist destination. No one will ever find me here! It's the most obvious place to hide, in plain sight! I'm only sorry that Google books doesn't have the May 2000 issue in the inset available for online browsing, too bad, so sad.

So! Are you a fan of these kinds of magazines, or are you immune to their wackadoodle charm? Had any relatives sight Elvis going out for a late night chili dog sometime in his purported "afterlife"? What kind of conspiracy theories do you like to keep up with in the news? Are you an Elvis fan? Let's talk!

That's all for today, but I'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a great Wednesday (and keep your eyes peeled for Elvis clones!). Til then.