Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Google + Is Not Dead (It's Hilarious)

Good morning!

I'm going to let you in on a secret about government work, people...there's occasionally a LOT of free time involved in manning a service desk as an adult professional working with the public. Some days, I feel like my feet don't touch the ground for eight hours as I'm hunting down rogue books-on-hold, looking up obscure reference questions, troubleshooting eighty year olds over the phone in the use of library e-books on Kindle e-readers, or helping people upload their resumes to COMPLETELY counter-intuitive job application sites. This is real library work, folks.

A photo of lipstickless me in 2011 at the YA desk at the library; a picture of my role model librarian at a desk in the sixties'.
I wish we still had those card catalogs; they'd be easier than the Millennium catalog online!

However! Some days, I've managed to catch up to all my little paging slips, all my tech questions, all my mended books...or at least as much as I'm able to in that capacity, that day. When this happens, maybe I'm stuck in the reference floor phone room for a six hour shift, on call but not really tasked with anything. Maybe I'm bored. B-O-R-E-D, killmebored. It is then, that I discover comic gems like Google + Reviews. Hallelu!

I'ma tell you now... there are not a lot of good things said about either one of these establishments on Trinity Lane

Did you even know such a thing existed? I remember a year or two ago, everyone getting excited about a new social media network that would include the amazing, almost limitless power of Google, into one service called Google +. While I use Gmail chat to talk to Sus, Matthew, and Kelsey pretty much all ding dang day, I don't think I've hardly looked at my Google + profile. The whole thing seems to have popped and fizzled, and Facebook, riddled with advertisements as it is now, still holds its head high as king of social media. I even read an article on the Yahoo news page (because I am apparently 85 years old) about how pizza giants Domino's had last updated its Facebook presence THAT DAY, but last updated Google + in November of the previous year. What does that mean for Facebook as a business tool, blah, blah, blah. But that's obviously not what cattle prodded me out of my doldrums in the phone room.

What I found? If you map search any location, say, "Dickerson Pike", then click "search nearby" by category, say "motel", you'll not only have a list of motels on Dickerson Pike in Nashville, but also some very florid opinions on the state of cleanliness and relative value of these establishments. Something about really bad hotel rooms brings out the poetic in people. For your entertainment, a selection from these reviews:
  • This is horrible!!! Never ever go there world. Im serious!
  • This hotel isn't a good hotel and I wish I nevered went there.
  •  I feel like I'm sleeping in a very poor gas station bathroom, please don't let me even have 2 think about that bathroom w/ the hairs in tub & vilely obscene & utterly filthy shower curtain.
  • Roaches run! I asked for my money back and was given a bunch of attitude ...
  • "This nasty place was the dirtiest, most nasty motel we have ever seen anywhere on earth! Carpets, sheets, and everything else was scary nasty. it should be condemmed as a health hazard. The bed had enough loose hair in it to weave an Indian blanket!"
  • Scary. Almost had my manhood stolen. Parking lot designed very poorly.
  • This trashy hotel when we came Da bed was unmade mc donlad bag on the floor n they charged 10 dollars to get a remote i payed by the week n we didn't get a microwave or refridge its bs
  • WOW! My boyfriend and I were moving across the country, and we tried to find reasonably priced rooms in every city along the way. I guess it's partially my fault that I didn't do more research on the area of town since my GPS does not offer "ghetto" as an avoidance. However, my 5 minute experience at the Hallmark Inn was definitely one I will not be forgetting. I checked in around 8pm with a seemingly nice woman at the front desk. Within 30 seconds of paying for my room, a man walked in to the lobby and the following conversation, which I have censored as it was strewn with obscenities, occurred: 
    •  Man: Did a package come for me today? 
    • Front Desk Clerk: No. 
    • Man: Well that's weird. I was expecting some money for my rent. 
    • Front Desk Clerk: Where have you been today? Man: I was just at the hospital. John is in there. I stabbed him in the eye and broke both of his arms, so I am very surprised he hasn't sent over the money yet. 
    • Front Desk Clerk: You didn't get in trouble for that?
    •  Man: Nope. I ran from the police. He deserved it. 
    • Front Desk Clerk: Well I am very glad you were able to get away. Talk to you later. 
  •  I was VERY shocked by this conversation, but it was almost funny so I ran outside to tell the two guys I was traveling with about it. We proceeded to walk to our room which was right next to the abandoned pool half filled with mud.The room smelled very strongly like cigarette smoke and the carpet, beds, and bathroom were so dirty that I was affraid to walk around without socks on. The sheets had holes in them and the shower curtain, which was supposed to be white, was somewhere between yellow and brown. Within 5 minutes of entering the room, we walked back to the front desk to ask for a refund and found 4 or 5 african american men wearing all red circling our Uhaul and trying to get in it. I explainted to the lady at the front desk that the place was not safe and I could guarantee my Uhaul would be broken into, but she adamently demanded that there were no refunds, under ANY circumstances, and that since the cops get called a few times a night by various people staying in the motel, my Uhaul would "most likely be safe." Given the situation I decided that it was probably best to just say goodbye to the $30, take a lot of funny pictures, and move on to a safer establishment. In the end I was able to successfully dispute the charge on my credit card, but although my 5 minutes on Trinity Lane were mildly entertaining, it was definitely NOT a Hallmark moment.

THEY'RE SO FUNNY. WHY ARE THEY SO FUNNY. While I enjoy the occasional Yelp recommendation or review, I love the mix of high and low literacy, the true-to-life quality, and the jaw dropping frankness of some of these "reviews". Am I horrible? Do you not secretly get a kick out of hearing how awfully, terribly bad the customer service or product someone received was, so you feel like you're not the only rube in the world getting occasionally ripped off by the cruel, cold world outside our doorsteps?

I spent most of my lunch hour trying to think of places on my side of town that might rate the kind of hilariously angry comments I'd enjoyed in the Dickerson Rd/Trinity Lane motel descriptions. I was not disappointed by some of the descriptions of food places:

  • Those cash register girls have very very bad attitudes. If the service wasnt such a turnoff it would be fine. They should hire younger people thats bereley ever worked. At chik fil a all the workers are great and like 15 or 16 years young. All they want to do is do a good job. Nasty attitudes will keep me away for good
  • The service at the Nashville location was very BAD and embarrassing. Please do not support this restaurant chain. My boyfriend checked the to go order before leaving the facility and notice that the order was not correct. He took the order back and got nothing but negative feedback from the staff. They were so rude and nasty so my boyfriend asked for the money back for the order. There was a very young female who claim she was the manager agreed to give him his money back but consistently used profanity during the conversation with boyfriend. I began to get upset and told her that she doesn't have to be so nasty and rude. She responded and said "its...people like you that I don't like dealing with". I said excuse me. She then proceeded to threaten to come over the counter and said she don't have a problem hurting me. I told her that she does not know who she is talking too. I tried to get her name but she was not willing to give her name but said that "[name redacted]" was her boss. I told her I definitely would be sure that knew what took place here and her actions. She said that nothing would happen to her and that I could call [the boss] all I wanted too. 

  • I don't understand for the life of me why any sober person would find this place good. I ate there today and it was the absolute worst lunch I have ate in my life. The silverware was filthy, the food was COLD and OMG how SLOW they are and not even with a full house!! The place itself is what you expect for that area of Dickerson road ,rundown and waaaaayyyyy dated. I paid without saying anything mostly because it was all they could do to count change. I figured if getting all your order (which I didn't ) was a apparent tough task getting my bill corrected or a refund would be impossible. Do yourself a favor eat ANYWHERE else!!!! ANYWHERE
  • Manager is rude and a nazi
  • Sometimes great, sometimes terrible. The new store smells much better than the old one.

Oh, I could go on and on. But you should check it out yourself, they're really too good to miss-- and with Google + flailing in the popularity race as it is, they may not be around for long!

Have you read any hilarious online reviews of local places lately? Ever been so incensed at an eatery or motel that you actually posted a fiery response online, for people to read, forever? What's a local place YOU like that everyone else seems to give a bad rap? Do you have any favorite mindless desk tasks to take up when nothing, say NOTHING, is going on at work? Let's talk!

 Have a good Wednesday! That's all for today, see you guys back here tomorrow! Til then.


  1. I'm so happy you posted this! I have a great time reading really bad yelp reviews. Have you read the reviews of the Millennium Maxwell House in Metro Center? I highly recommend it!

    Also, this:

    1. Ok, those Millennium Maxwell House reviews deserve a post of their own. OUCH!! And a bar named Donks...what did the reviewers expect?! So funny. Thanks for telling me about these!!

  2. These remind me of the reviews I read for my old apartment AFTER I'd been living there most of my 1-year lease. You always find the coolest/funniest things on the internet, but you've really found some gold here! <3

    1. HAHA, poor Sus and Matt. I'ma keep that comedy gold comin', kid!

  3. Hahahahahahaha!!! For the record, every GPS really should 'offer "ghetto" as an avoidance'. Of course if they did, chick wouldn't have such an entertaining story to tell of her move across country. The years of being able to tell the tale of the 'Strange Occurrence At Hallmark Inn' was worth the thirty bucks it cost, IMHO.

    1. I don't understand why the $28-a-night rate to the gal and her traveling companions was not a DEAD GIVEAWAY that the place was going to be terror itself. Any normal hotel would be at least twice that! I'm a not a spendthrift by any stretch, but come on, people!! ((Still, I'm glad we have this story to show for it, even if it was bad judgement))

  4. Darling, have you ever read the "Veet Hair removal gel for men" reviews on Amazon UK? It's so over the top! And the British are VERY descriptive about their, um, misuse of the product.

    1. Going over now...I know it's going to be hilarious!

  5. "The bed had enough loose hair in it to weave an Indian blanket!"
    OMG!!! I am in love with these. I am obsessed with reading reviews anyway and always look for the bad ones. i read a great one about the gatlinburg aquarium where a lady was SO PISSED that they didnt' have a retired military discount. I mean, it was probably 5 paragraphs, over 2 bucks! and i feel like it ended with "but the aquarium was really nice"

    1. HAHA, I love that aquarium review story you just told. Oh my goodness, THE TIME YOU SPENT ARGUING is NOT WORTH THE TWO DOLLARS. Some people!! :)



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